how to end a marriage - marriage 101

how to end a marriage - marriage 101

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how to stop marriage

When To End a Marriage

There may be no more important day in your life than the day that you got married. You can remember the nervousness and excitement of that day when you finally promised to always love and be faithful to your spouse. Thinking back on that day, it can be very disheartening when, just a few years(or even months/weeks) later, you are seriously contemplating divorce. For many newlyweds, the intensity of those initial emotions inevitably wear off after a few years of marriage when the excitement of those early days give way to the minutia of everyday life. The first thing to realize is that these are common emotions that everyone goes through. Every marriage goes through a progression and you can’t expect to have the same relationship on your five-year anniversary as you did on your honeymoon night.
But this does raise an important question about when to end a marriage. The first thing to realize is that this is not a decision that should be made lightly. As long as there has been no infidelity or physical abuse, you should do everything possible to make your marriage better. Thankfully, there are a lot of resources available to you that are designed specifically to help an ailing marriage. Marriage Advice Online is of course one such resource and we are very happy to have you here, and hope we can help.
If your problems are very serious, you may want to consider going to a professional marriage counselor. These people are trained in helping spouses reconcile their differences and build stronger marriages. Given their vast experience, it is pretty likely that they will be able to help your marriage. Alternatively, they will also know when to end a marriage as well. And for such a big decision, it is important to get an outside, expert opinion on the matter.
If you do use a marriage counselor, it is important to be completely open and honest in your sessions. Often times, a failing marriage is due to a lack of communication when spouses fail to properly state their thoughts and feelings. This can be particularly difficult for husbands who may fear feeling vulnerable when they open up about how they feel. Thus, it is very important to make him feel comfortable and to not be judgmental. It is only in this way that the root causes of a failing marriage can be discovered. And once they are discovered, the healing process can begin.
If you are looking for an immediate solution that you can start putting into action TODAY, then you can take a look at Amy Waterman’s Save My Marriage Today – An eCourse that you can download instantly and start seeing results immediately. Watch our detailed video review of it by clicking here – Save My Marriage Today Review
Given the importance of your marriage, you should avail yourself of every conceivable option that may be of use in solidifying a bad relationship. Only if both you and your partner have done everything possible should you even contemplate the possibility of a divorce. The problem is that most people give up before reaching this point. But most marriage problems that are not a result of either infidelity or physical abuse can be saved. And you owe it yourself to do everything in your power to save it.

How To End My Marriage
After about 7 years of not being in love with my husband I finally realized I do not want to be married. I stayed married for all this time, as I thought it was a phase I was going through, and thinking it was for the best for our girls to stay married. About 2 months ago, I told my husband that he had til Sept to get his "act together" or I was leaving. I had it all worked out, that I would hold off until Sept. I figured all my girls would be out of the house and away at school. Then I would only have to worry about me. But, a month ago, I met someone. I was not looking, but was introduced to this guy from a mutual friend. This guy and I have hit it off. His divorce was just finalized 2 months ago, and he knows I am not happy in my marriage. He and I talk daily, text daily and meet for lunch, dinner, etc...several times a week. I know I've only known him a short time, but he is the most wonderful person I have met in a long time. He knows more about me and my girls then my husband does. He has told me that in know way does he want to be the reason I end my marriage. That he only wants me to do what is best for me and to take my time, and make sure this is what I want, as he understands how ending my marriage will change my life. ( In no way is he pressuring me to end my marriage.) Here is my question, how do I end my marriage without my husband or girls knowing I have met someone? I love my husband, but I'm not in love with him. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. But, I know in the end I will. I want my girls to like this new guy I've met. I am going to go to counceling, as my oldest daughter has asked me to. As she said I was not trying to work on my marriage. It is so hard, when my husband and I have grown apart and my feelings are just not there. This is truely the hardest thing I have ever decided to do. Any suggestions? Thank you.

You made vows to your husband and just simply saying "I don't love him anymore" and walking away is unacceptable! Relationships take work and everything is not going to always be peachy. There is NO excuse for infidelity PERIOD! And they WILL know the truth in the end because lies and secrets ALWAYS come out and most of the time people ALWAYS get hurt. You can't live this kind of life and expect to escape the consequences. It doesn't work that way. I pray you come to your senses before it's too late.
Reply

fazalca
Posted April 4, 2011
Dear Sister,
After reading your question,
1. I couldn't find why you were not in love with your husband.
2. You were loving your husband but you have more love on the new guy.
Before proceeding further keep something in mind, breaking the wife and husband relationship is very easy, but making a good relationship is not so easy. You have seen the new guy, you may feel this guy is good for the moment, but when you actually part into his life only you will came to know his actual character.
So my suggestion is before making a decision, think a lot to make to love in your current relation..
Cheers
Fazal C.A
Reply

safire1023

Leader of the Free World
3430 points
Married
trustworthy, loving, fun, sexy
Posted April 1, 2011
It sounds like you are ready to end the marriage, so do so. It will be difficult for everyone, but you haven't been happy from the beginning, so you need to move on. Do not introduce your children to a new man until you have been dating him a minimum of 6 months, and not even then if you two haven't decided that you are trying for a long term relationship. Children don't need to become acquainted with men who quickly enter and then exit their lives. If they find out about the new man now, they may feel bitterness towards you. I would cool it with him until your divorce is final. Also, he may not tell you this, but since he's just getting divorced, he may want to play the field for a while before settling down with one woman. Some men go crazy after a divorce, and some men are one woman men, seeking a permanent partner as soon as possible. You don't know whiich he is.
Yes this man in wonderful now. They are all wonderful at the beginning. A man shows his real persona and how much effort he will put into a relationship usually after 4-6 months. Until that time, try not to fall madly in love with him. Have a wait and see attitude. After my divorce, I dated a lot. The majority of my new relationships didn't last. It took me 4 years to find the right man for me. It's actually better to stay single for 6 months to a year after a breakup. This gives you time to think about what you really want in a man, and to grieve the previous relationship. Make a list of must haves and dealbreakers in a new man. Cut them loose if they are lacking, no matter how cute and sexy they are. Good luck in chapter 2 of your life.
Reply

irishmary24
widow shy starting over
Posted April 1, 2011
You haven't described this ''act'' you husband needs to work on. Is it drugs, alcohol, faithlessness, laziness... what? If he has been unfaithful, but you don't want to work on that, then leave him. Anything that puts a wedge in your trust(addiction, adultery) wrecks a marriage. If he's not willing to work on it with or for you, you have probably dropped out emotionally already. It is possible to regain the love after all those things, but it's very difficult work. If you are the only one working at it, it can't be done! It takes two, working hard. I'd go to the counselling. If he doesn't go, I'd just start the divorce proceedings. Then, I'd introduce new guy. Not before.
Reply

VetteG

Leader of the Free World
14420 points
Corvette driver: my 4-wheel love affair.
Posted March 12, 2011
You wrote "in no way is her pressuring me to end my marriage" and he doesn't want "to be the reason I end my marriage," yet he showers you with attention, text message, dinners, lunches, and phone calls?
Uh...?
Reply

bikinibottom
Posted March 12, 2011
been there. please think before ending your marriage. Grass may NOT always be as green as you think it will be. It sounds as though you have made up your mind. At least take time before you get involved with someone else.